Reply To: Transgender Transition
WiwkoooStart the transition or suppress my feminine side? (I am 30yo)
I am a 30yo “male”. In my whole life I tried to live as a normal man. But now I cannot suppress my feelings anymore. I feel that I have to write openly about all my feelings, thoughts and the different aspects of my life. I really need your opinion about my situation.
I know that probably is too late for me to become to a passable woman (when I do my make up I do not like the result, because I look like just a transvestite, and not a nice one). But I cannot live anymore as a man. Nobody knows my secret. From outside I am a ” successful and handsome guy“. But I dream about a totally different life.
In the last 6 months my life changed a lot because I moved to a different city where I am alone. And it was also a turning point for me that I turned to 30yo. I thought a lot about my life and my future. I know that the transition takes a lot of effort and time in such age, but I already know that I have to do this.
Now I know almost nothing about how to “transform” to a woman. Cosmetics, make up, hair, fashion are all new for me. This is also true for the fashion. I tried to be masculine in my whole life and did not take attention for feminine things. But nowadays I am really interested in everything regarding beauty care. I think if I immerse myself in this world I have a chance to be as feminine as possible (I also think about that I should attend to beauty school).
I think I need a professional support to be as feminine as possible without wasting more time. It would be great that this professional was also a transgender herself. I want to find my female version with her.
Hormones after 30.
Do the hormones work after 30 year? I heard that orchiectomy is also a good option. I have heard the maybe both option is the best in such age.
Relationships and sexuality
I had few girlfriends in my life, but to be honest I felt that they were like friends for me.
I am virgin. I tried to have sex with a woman last year (first time), but I felt no sexual feelings and my penis didn’t not got hard. We tried it few times, but nothing happened. After that I tried to question my sexuality. I was too afraid to try with a man, but I bought a dildo few months ago. I love to use it. It really strengthened my feminine side and showed me what I have to do to get sexual feelings. I crave to ride this dildo few times a week and more and more think about with guys.
To be honest I never imagined that I have sex with a woman. Since my childhood I only imagined myself in a submissive position.
I think I have to write about my masturbation also.
My penis does not bother me. To be honest when I masturbate I think that my penis is a guy’s penis and not mine. Nowadays I feel that I should try with real penis.
I can suck my penis. My body is really flexible thanks to the lot of trainings since my childhood. Sometimes I suck my own cock. I really like it and nowadays I also feel that craving for to suck.
After masturbation I almost everytime feel shame and I do not like myself (how could I do that? I am sick?). I tried to not masturbate for a month. I felt more and more feminine and I thought more and more about guys. In the last few months I try to only masturbate with dildo without jerking. I can reach orgasm with touching myself and what was really strange for me that I feel no shame after masturbation. So I tried to focus in such masturbation. It helps me to connect with my feminine side.
(I am really afraid of first sex with a guy. What if I do not like it? What if that all my masturbation with the dildo and selfsucking are only fetish? But I think that is more likely that I will love with real thing. Moreover I am a 30yo virgin and I think this is also not normal.)
I do not feel that I am gay. I feel that first I have to be a woman. I only can imagine myself with a guy if I look like and live as a woman. In the last few months I think a lot about guys. I feel that if I start a new life now maybe I have a chance look to like a woman and find a guy. I think I also suppressed my feelings toward guys..
Fetish or Transsexualism
Earlier I thought that this is normal for a teenager, but now I am 30yo. Then I thought that this is just a fetish. But in more and more field of my life I feel that probably I would be happier as a woman. What would you ask me regarding this? I think I tried to convince myself that “this is just a fetish”, because in that way I does not need to face with the real deal…
The advantages of late transition
What do you think what are the advantages? I always try to see the good things and it would also help me.
I have written all my thoughts. Maybe too openly. But I think I had to do this, to help to solve my situation.
Vivien
