Reply To: How Do You Know if You Are Trans?

[Christinainside]

I have so many memories I have been upacking in my brain for the last 5 years. My first memory that helps me believe I was born a woman was when I was like 6 I was so jealous of my sisters panties and clothes and style and loved spending time learning girl stuff with her. I remember sneaking in to her room to acquire panties to wear because they were pretty and I felt like I should wear them. I remember when I was like 11 I looked in to the basement because my older step sister was showering and admiring her physique and remember thinking the female body was perfect. I got into so much trouble for that because I was a perve for looking which was the time My step sister and step mom really started hating me. I remember at 13 or 14 going into my bosses house on the farm while he was away because I just had to see his wifes clothes and smell her perfumes. I stole one pair of her satin flowery panties because they were the most feminine and I hid them in the couch I slept on in the basement and I would wait till the middle of the night and pull them out and wear them for awhile. Womens panties and what not have never been sexual for me but alluring and when I wore them I felt right and like thats what was supposed to be. I got so fucked up for over a week for that because I got caught for going through her stuff! I was disgusting and a pervert and took so many punches and knees to the privates and my dad whipped me with his belt so bad I had to miss school for 3 days cause of the bruises on my neck face arms everywhere. It was then that I burried the woman I felt I was because it was safer and didn’t make me a pervert or hurt people I love. God I remember how feminine and cute those panties made me feel and how they made me feel ok and not like a pervert after getting the shit kicked out of me. But 34 years later while I thought I hated myself for what I thought were bisexual tendancys I slowly over the last 5 yrs have grown and learned and figured out I am far from the facade I created of the alpha male mans man! The opposite actually! I remembered all the thoughts and memories I surpressed. Over time I realized that womens clothes are nothing fantasy or fetish or sexual to me but normal and comfortable and I love them so much because the bitch I was born inside so badly wants to be born. So I have kind of known my whole life and nothing I ever did changed her or got rid of her at all try as I might.