Reply To: Transgender People of Faith

[Anonymous]

I might be found in most any church, synagogue, temple, or mosque (yes, I’ve worshiped in all these types of religious settings whether identified as cult or occult). My background in religion is highly varied, extending to nearly every major religion on the planet, and yet, have not consented to membership in any church since 1995. That was a year of spiritual awakening forewarned in a dream 7 years prior to my exit from Christianity.

I have come to see religion as the codification and enforcement of a specific spiritual tradition. Such enforcement occurs mostly in the context of individual cults (broadly defined), but has in the past 80 years manifest in “parachurch” entities within alliances of the metacult of Christianity that include, but are not limited to, the Evangelical Alliance.

My awakening did many things, expanding my dreamwork to new levels and demanding greater truthfulness, especially in myself. It’s in this context that I came out as transgender, and eventually worked out a moral theory not in the vernacular. All of these are tied to my dreams as the most primal grist of spirituality.

As far as churches are concerned (since the original question focuses in this context), I have become alert to many devices used in such entities, and these devices are by no means limited to Evangelicals or even Christians in general. Here are a few of them, and this is by no means a complete list:

1. Gaslighting: Active attempts to distort or cause another to lose confidence in that person’s sense of reality or sanity as a method of controlling others. I have witnessed pastors of more than one denomination literally brag among themselves about their gaslighting prowess in college and in their local mission fields.

2. The Ad Uxorem Attack on Families: Successful Bible workers know that the woman of the home is usually the one more inclined to spiritual things than the man who is most obligated to support of the family and will more likely be obsessed with the material. So the Bible worker focuses attention upon her. Once won, she will bring the children to the church. The husband will either willfully attend, attend in a desperate attempt to keep the family together (even accepting baptism or rebaptism), or there will be a divorce. The church authorities all know that courts will be inclined to award custody of the children to the mother, so if they keep her, they also keep and indoctrinate the children. If there is divorce, the mother is married off to a new believing spouse. This is always called, “the work of the Holy Spirit.” But even though 1 Timothy 3:2 has traditionally been cited to exclude divorcees, most churches have liberalized that stance to assure a supply of lay leaders.

3. Double Standards: There is a different law for those in authority than regular members, and consequently, many think they are entitled to abuse others because of their position.

4. Undercurrents of Misandry or Misogyny: While current trends are in the direction of misandry in the MeToo era, misogyny has reigned in most of the 20th century. That makes a difference in who is taken seriously and who is not, who is more apt to carry stigma and who is not. This often carries over into transmisogyny and transmisandry.

5. Wide Application of the No True Scotsman Fallacy: What constitutes a “true Christian” is often more subjective than real, and often defined according to local mores more than anything in the Bible. Example: “No true Christian would marry someone of another race! Think of what the Children will go through!” or “No true Christian can be transgender.” What makes this especially disingenuous is that the same people who make such claims will themselves often stigmatize and even demonstrate cruelty toward a mixed race or transgender child. In some extreme cases like what I’ve witnessed in Campus Crusade for Christ, if a student is depressed because a course of study is not working for him, leaders declare that person has not received Jesus Christ. It’s interesting how those who are most vocal about Christianity is about a “relationship” and not an affiliation are so willing to redefine other people’s relationships out of existence in their own minds.

But even aside from these devices, many mannerisms of presumptuous speech stifle communication, even in more liberal churches who accept trans members as in these examples:

1. “Welcome home!” (as a greeting). This is a sales device that presumes that a visitor will naturally choose their product. A visitor may not consider that church to be a home at all. If the visitor is trans, that can be especially disconcerting if the church is known to be less accepting of transpeople.

2. “We’re so glad you came!” It’s interesting how those who claim to be so glad I came to a church meeting rarely care to talk to me beyond that, not necessarily because they think I’m trans or not. They simply don’t have the capacity to care that they think they do. As a result, this is no real encouragement to a visitor. It’s a lie they have convinced themselves of being true. It is true only in one sense: they’re glad to have another statistic of “church growth,” which is more indicative of their ambitions, than any real love of anyone.

3. “We’re so glad you have now started in your new journey to healing!” This is related to the second example, one I was confronted with in a Metropolitan Community Church of all entities, and this was stated by multiple parishioners in a low, soothing voice like I was being incarcerated in a psychiatric facility . I simply came to connect with new friends, not to be healed of an addiction at some rehab center. Needless to say, I never returned and never gained a friend from that congregation.

4. “Can I help you?” (as a greeting, sometimes with a condescending nose in the air). Good God! Are people so wrapped up in their consumerism that they have to play “store clerk” eager to steer their “customer” to the highest priced item whether the greetee wants it or not? I think so and see it as indicative of “wearing masks” as a psychological defense mechanism. It’s interesting how a simple “Hello” or “Welcome” has been replaced with such coldness.

So while more churches today accept transpeople as members than they did 20 years ago, that acceptance is often more formal than heartfelt. If you choose membership in a church, be careful, for devices such as those mentioned may turn up, even if they initially appear to be warm. You could find yourself trapped in a debilitating cycle of narcissistic control mechanisms that will eventually wear you down.