Reply To: How Do You Know if You Are Trans?

[LydiaParker]

Hi All.

I’m Lydia. From the earliest I remember as a child people always thought I was a little girl. At the time it would bother me that I wasn’t. I couldn’t work out of I was bothered that I wanted to be a girl but was a boy or if I was a boy bothered about looking like a girl. So there started the confusion.

At 13 I started Crossdressing. Until a school friend found a stuffed bra in my drawers and I was so humiliated I didn’t start again until I was 22-23.

Oh how I wish I transitioned then. I would have been so passable. I started meeting guys secretly. Not regularly but every few months I would build up the courage. But over the years I’ve started to wonder if I’m a secret trans who’s too cowardly to come out or if it’s just a sex fantasy part of a sex addiction problem.

I’m 37 now. Live with a girlfriend who doesn’t know and I know for a fact she would not be into it or understanding.

And now I dress more regularly when she’s gone and meet guys more often and the guilt and shame in doing so is getting less and less.

But I still wonder if I really am a woman or is this just a fantasy I like to play out? I feel like I’m going a bit mad.