Reply To: How Do You Know if You Are Trans?

[paula51]

This is my very first post here and a big step for me.
Honestly I’ve never told anyone what I’m about to share here.
But I’m very confused and for the first time in my life I want to confess what I’ve kept a secret my whole life.
And I would dearly appreciate any thoughts you all might have to share. And I seek the wisdom from this beautiful community.
So for most of my adult life I would secretly dress in female clothes at home in private mostly to satisfy myself sexually.
I got married in as a young man and my marriage lasted 20 years with children.
I’m thin and could easily fit into my wife’s size 6 panties and other sexy attire, but only when I was alone in my privacy. I did things like this since I was in my late teens. I would masturbate and then be ok.
This fetish It Didn’t affect my sex life with my now ex wife, but always in the back of my mind I would fantasize about what it would feel like to be a woman and feel a man filled with passion take me, enter me. lust for me. Just a fetish I always thought.
I started experimenting with anal sex toys on myself when I was just a teen and kept it a secret from my wife of 20 some years. But when she was not around I would play using toys and such on myself.
My wife wanted nothing to do with anything other than normal sex.
Now After our divorce I was free to experiment with my growing sexual fantasies.
I started shopping at thrift stores for women’s jeans and sexy blouses.
I found that I could easily fit into a size 6 to 8 long jeans, and loved how I looked in tight form fitting jeans and panties underneath. I also grew to love shaving my private area and having that soft feeling down there.
Fast forward to today and I’m retire and my fetish is now very prevalent for me.
And I’ve now just recently started shaving my legs at least down to my knees and I am amazed at how sexy my legs are and how soft they feel. But I stop and shaving below my knees as for some reason I am in shorts in public I won’t be found out. I’m to afraid of that at this point in time.
But in my retirement I can now spend hours with myself dressed in tight cutoff jeans and blouse and admiring how sexy I look and feel viewing myself in the mirror.
I’m daily dreaming of what it would feel like to be a feminine man, a transgendered person, Yet I don’t yet see myself taking Hormones yet, but want to feel feminine if only to a future partner.
I’ve been in and out of many heterosexual relationships with other women for many years now. But never really committed long term to any woman I’ve met. And I’m now wanting to experiment with my feelings and try to find a transgendered or feminine male partner to get to know and hopefully have a relationship with. I do feel I am more interested in being passive or bottom I guess is the word. I want to be the receiver of someones desire. But I also want the friendship and gentleness with that person, and not just one night stands.
I don’t know of anywhere to find such a person except at a local gay bar. I wish there was another place to find someone I could get to know. I know there are dating sites that cater to the LGBT community, but I am not quite yet willing to openly seek a gay or Trans partner. It’s a small town and I have family , Kids and Grandchildren. I would never want to know my interest in discovering the real me and finding out if I am truly transsexual or bisexual, that would be unthinkable and devastating.. That said if I finally knew for sure I would want to eventually come out with who I am. But now is not the time for that.
That all said I want to find out who I truly am and find someone that will be my friend and possible partner that understands me and I’ll live out the short remainder of my life.
I hope this all makes sense.. I truly am sincere here and need some support.

Any thoughts or opinions much appreciated.