Reply To: Transgender Transition

[carla1212]

Hi Katie,
I’m just a crossdresser but I’ve experienced the sort of thing you’re talking about, which mainly happens on days when I do not really believe I look pretty — maybe I’m tired, unwell, etc. but it’s when I’m generally not feeling confident. If you’re on hormones this probably isn’t a big problem for you, but I find what really helps me is being sure that my body is warmed up and relaxed before go out: My male body is tighter and more rigid than a woman’s would be. I find that a hot bath or shower, followed by some stretching and some work with a foam roller really loosens me up and helps my overall mindset when I’m heading out. They teach actors to warm up like this so their body will move fluidly to express their emotions, and in my case it helps me express my inner femininity without all the interference that comes from the anxiety we tend to store in our muscles. But in the end it’s all about taking charge of how you interact with other people, not being afraid of them and inviting them to like you. That’s why I am also a big believer in smiling. Last night I was out getting a coffee and I felt this guy’s eyes kept focusing on me. Instead of just letting my imagination close in on me, I looked at him with a big smile and sparkly eyes, let my head lilt to the side, played with my hair and told him I liked his hat. Next thing you know he’s sitting with me and we’re chatting like old friends. The smile says: I’m sweet, I’m nice, I’m loving, I’m not a crazy person, I like you, and you should like me too – I’m a pretty girl, dammit! Same with perfume – choose carefully, but the right scent tells people (especially men) that you are a nice, sweet person who wants to invite affection. It’s worth the effort to study perfumes, scented moisturizing lotions etc. really carefully and figure out what message they send, so you can choose the right ones for every situation. Other than that – I hardly recommend this because I suppose it’s not healthy and all that – but I always find I’m most relaxed if I’m a little buzzed. I am an occasional smoker and I find that I’m way more relaxed, less inside myself, and maybe project a little more vulnerability when I’ve just had a cigarette and feeling that mildly dizzy feeling. (Okay it’s a drug and whatever, and people who are on hormones should n-e-v-e-r smoke, but I’m not on hormones and I like it!) Not to mention standing around outside looking like a hopeless nicotine addict creates all kinds of pretexts for people to come talk to me, mainly cisgender girls who feel less guilty about smoking if they are not doing it alone. I flash my smile at them, we like each other, we’re bonded, and we’re asking each other were we got our shoes. Also, I can smoke during the daytime and still function efficiently. Alcohol is very effective but it doesn’t work too well in the middle of a workday. When I’m out with my girls I never drink much, but I’ve also noticed that even after just one drink all my defenses go down, I laugh and smile more easily and I can move and dance in a more fluid, feminine way. But yah, moderation in all things and… don’t drink and drive!