The Occasional Woman — Better Check Twice
Dearest Readers,
Hey there! You’re about to leave the house; will your appearance shock or delight the world, and you? Let’s just take a wee bit of time, and discuss:
Checking Your Look
Oh no!
First, the obvious faux pas — labels showing; a skirt or dress tucked into your undies or pantyhose; a dryer sheet dangling off a favorite dress, that kind of problem. I saw a nicely-dressed young lady the other day; cute shorts, understated but adorable jewelry, with a well-fitting tank top. What was wrong with that, you may ask? The label on the back of the tank top, proclaiming it a LARGE from Walmart, stuck way up over the back! It actually fluttered in the breeze! As strangers generally don’t like being ambushed to have their tags tucked in, she probably spent the rest of the day with her Wally Flag freakin’ in the sun. Ruined the look, and my lunch. Also, if your tag sticks up on a swimsuit, you will get a really stupid tan line!
If you are sporting a nice dress or skirt, and put on pantyhose after you don the dress, check and make sure of a few things. First, is the garment tucked into your hose or undies? I did this at the Philadelphia Folk Festival one year. As I exited the Porta-Potty my flirty little dress was moored in the waistband of my drawers! Fortunately, one of my 5,000 friends was right there and saved me from eons of embarrassment and shame. Whew! On the TV show Designing Women, many moons ago, Julia Sugarbaker was not so lucky — she mooned all of Atlanta in a rucked-up, undieless dress at a large charity fashion show!!
You sashay into a splashy event, confident in your saucy frock, and hear titters (that’s laughter, not boobies, ya dirty-minded ladies!) following in your wake. This lasts until some kind soul whispers “Nice dryer sheet, Nancy” and you discover your fashion don’t. A careful look and a pass of the lint brush could have saved you from sartorial spazzing. Or, consider this — take nice cothes to the DRY CLEANER! Are we cavewomen?
It’s snowing down south.
As fewer ladies wear a slip any more, we don’t have to check for the showing of same as much as we used to. In my youth, if your slip showed, some other girl would whisper, either kindly or maliciously “It’s snowing down South!” And you would nip into a bathroom to adjust the naughty thing. Seriously. That being said, please consider the wearing of the lovely slip — it can keep an unlined dress or skirt from clinging to your body in an unflattering and too-clingy way.
Lint, cat hair, OR Golden Retriever hair is another wardrobe saboteur. I love pets, and enjoy our ruthlessly-shedding kitty, but keep a lint-roller handy. Nothing mars a little black dress like fur — unless it’s mink, sable OR a lovely false fur. Not tabby hair, or poodle trimmings.
Oh, also — are you considering wearing open-toed shoes with pantyhose or stockings that have a darker toe? Stop right there! It looks awful, and is a dead giveaway that your mother never told you “you’re not leaving the house like THAT, young lady!”
One last thing — if you have a favorite garment that features hang-straps so you can hang it up and save the actual straps — for the love of Gawd, either tuck them in or just cut ’em off! Having them dangling from your underarm or shoulder its chez tacky.
So, how do we avoid these mistakes? One word: MIRROR. That’s right, make sure to check yourself out BEFORE you head out to conquer the world! If you can manage a three-way mirror, that would be fabulous — see yourself from all sides, so that you are always ready to Go — and STUN!
Category: Style, Transgender Fashion
About the Author (Author Profile)
I am a native Californian who has been based in the Philadelphia area since 1984. My first CD fashion creation was a gold lamé dress for the now esteemed editor of this publication. Since then I have made tons of fabulous frocks and other fashion apparel for the crossdressing and transgender community. Contact me for custom clothing or alterations via email: aqualorraine@gmail.com Visit my Facebook page, @alterationsbylorraineSubscribe
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Good suggestions all. However let me offer one other last look whether it is leaving the home, hotel room or car: Look for those keys. It can be very embarrassing to have to go to the hotel front desk, call AAA or break a basement window when your keys have been left behind. Believe me.