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Linda Jensen — Amanda’s Holiday

| Aug 24, 2009
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As a crossdresser one of my favorite things is to be able to spend a period of time living as my feminine identity. A full day? A weekend? Those are great. A few times I’ve been able to get away for a weeks holiday living totally en femme. The operative phrase here is get away. It is expensive to travel and stay in hotels but I could never dream of living as Linda while at home or even in my home town. This is a part of me that I don’t dare reveal to my family, neighbors and friends.

Such is not the case for Amanda Ryan who also identifies herself as a crossdresser. I know of Amanda through the tg support group in Ottawa, Canada called Gender Mosaic. Unlike most of us Amanda (Paul) has decided that she is not going to keep a part of her life that she enjoys very much secret from the people around her and she wants them to know Amanda.

Amanda did something I think is very brave. She used her two week summer vacation to live full time as Amanda and to do it at home at her summer cottage, located in a lightly populated area of eastern Ontario, Canada. It is the type of area where everybody knows their neighbors, feels free to drop in unannounced and there are no secrets.

Much to the vicarious pleasure of other Gender Mosaic members Amanda shared a daily account of her two weeks. It was a period of discovery for Amanda and for many of her readers. To me it was a lesson in how good, friendly things happen to good friendly people.

Here is an abridged account of her two-week adventure.

“Hi All,

The holiday en femme started with a bang. Each year Amanda hosts a party/ retreat/ be yourself for the weekend event for the ladies of Gender Mosaic and their friends. Girls in the know simply call it the Q. This year it was Q6. As hostess Amanda is at her feminine best all weekend.

As Amanda put it, “Q6 Saturday was the beginning of my 2 weeks of holidays. I want to spend them 24/7 Amanda. Everything…grocery shopping in the local town, picking up my mail at the Post Office, going to the dump, wandering around my neighborhood and visiting friends I will do as Amanda. I will write a daily report so you know how I am doing. My only projects this holiday are cleaning my basement and taking everything to the dump. Amanda can handle that. Paul won’t be seen except for that glimpse in the mirror when I wake up.”

Day 4:

“Yesterday, Day 4, was a great day. I booked a manicure at the Nail shop in the Quinte Mall in Belleville. The girl asked if I wanted to do a pedicure too. Manicure and Pedicure together were $44. How could I say no? I let my nails grow just before my holidays and right now they are fabulous. I REALLY love having nice nails. I get that from my mother. So now I have another week and a half to let them grow. During my manicure the girl asked if I would like my eyebrows waxed. I said yes. She did a wonderful job. I may have to let them grow back out to go back to work but for my holidays they are great. I feel sooooooo feminine right now. Then I went shopping in the Mall and found a really nice pair of turquoise shorts then a tank top to match. I ended the day with dinner at Boston Pizza. Just a wonderful day.

“Now I need a little help and encouragement from you. It would be easy to wake up and simply not take the effort to dress. But I really don’t want to do that. I’d like to continue this Amanda Holiday and a couple of “You go girl’s” would really help. I may seem like someone who does not need that kind of encouragement but it still helps a great deal to hear it.

I’ll write tonight or tomorrow morning about Day 5. Already a couple of things to report.

Day 5:

“It was a good day. I dressed in my new turquoise shorts and matching striped top that I got the day before. It felt nice. I decided to go to my sister’s for coffee. She had friends visiting. Her lady friend has met Amanda but not her husband. I was actually a little worried about his reaction. So I phoned over and let them know I was coming. When I arrived he said “Hi.” I found out later that he had asked his wife what to say when I got there. She told him to say “Hi.” Apparently he was just as concerned about meeting me as I was about meeting him. I made a point of staying in the kitchen with him and chatting about his new car and anything else that came to mind. He was very polite. Then he started talking about his best friend who is gay. He also tossed out “transgender” like someone who knew exactly what it meant. I had a great talk with him and found him to be very accepting. Sometimes we put up barriers that just don’t exist. This one certainly didn’t.

“I had coffee on the dock with everyone. My niece wanted to go for a swim and asked if I could wear her wedding and engagement rings while she swam. (She just got married a month ago) They fit nicely on my pinky finger. There were two other ladies on the dock she could have asked. It was really cool that she asked me.

“At 5 p.m. each day we have “Happy Hour” at my sister’s on the dock, deck or verandah depending on weather. This is a tradition my parents started many years ago. Today was on the deck. There were only four of us but it was nice to sit there and socialize. At one point my necklace fell off and got caught in my hair. My niece came over to help me get it untangled. It was just a nice girl moment. It is amazing how important these little moments are. But they really are special.

Day 6:

“Today I went to Kingston to do some shopping. Sears had some nice nighties in Belleville but not the right sizes or colors. So I thought I would check Sears in Kingston. I like to sleep in a satin nightie but they are hard to find. I got three new ones today that are very silky and also stretchy. These are the nicest ones I found so far.

“I went up and down the Mall just looking at clothes and jewelry. Nothing special, just nice. At one store that I had been to a couple of weeks ago in male mode (where the sales lady asked me if I would like to try on the blouse and slacks) I decided to go in and introduce Amanda to the same saleslady. I said I was here a couple of weeks ago. Then she said, “Amanda.” She blew me away with that. I can only think that she looked at the Spring Fling web site where my picture is and recognized me from that. I had given her the web address. Pretty impressive though.

“This evening I had dinner at my sister’s place. This was the first time that Amanda had dinner there. Another first. Cool.

“One other thing that happened this morning that was kind of interesting was when I went to the bathroom for a pee. As I was sitting there I realized that I had not even considered standing to pee. And I am one who likes the convenience of standing. I think if I ever transitioned I would miss that the most.

“I am enjoying my Amanda time very much. I haven’t had to remove my nail polish except to have a manicure. Otherwise I have just touched it up. And I don’t worry about having perfume left over from the day before. The best part is just being Amanda and interacting with people around here. No-one is taking note. I think it is just a little awkward at first for some people until we chat and show how normal this is.”

That is Amanda’s account up to the end of Day 6. The members of Gender Mosaic were very open in sending comments on each day’s posting, some relating similar personal experiences, so a bit of envy. I cannot imagine opening myself up to my family and friends the way Amanda has done. It takes real guts but then again as I wrote earlier “good and friendly things happen to people who are good and friendly.”

The adventures of week #2 will follow. Stay tuned to see if Amanda can keep up the effort of dressing and doing make-up each day. Will she break any nails while she cleans here basement? How will Amanda’s make-up and padding stand up when she takes to the water?

What strikes me and I think it will you, too, is how what we would normally consider ordinary events take on extraordinary significance when they are done by a crossdresser and she receives both verbal and nonverbal approval from those around her.

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Category: Transgender Body & Soul

Linda Jensen

About the Author ()

Canadian writer Linda Jensen is a long time contributor to TGForum. Before the days of the Internet Linda started her writing with the Transvestian newspaper. Her writing ranges from factual accounts of her adventures to fiction although frankly sometimes her real life adventures are stranger than the fiction. Linda is married to a loving partner who upon learning about Linda said, "she was part of you before I met you. Although I didn't know it she was part of the package I fell in love with. I don't want to mess up that package." "Does it get any better than that?" asks Linda.

Comments (1)

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  1. says:

    Thanks to Linda … and Amanda … for this important article. Here’s why it’s important.

    I could do it … but right now I’m soooo busy … but think Linda could do it just as well … and should.

    Anyway, I think there is a great essay to be written on the common phenomenon of the crossdresser’s evolution from those early primarily-autoerotic impulses to the pleasure evoked by Amanda here.

    It is this transcendent place, this absolute joy in just “being” a woman … with all the comfort of “true selves” that some transsexuals eventually achieve through transition … but for us crossdressrs … achieving it occasionally … instead of permanently It is where so many of us find ourselves. This comment isn’t as thought out or well-written or as fully developed as carefully as the real essay should be … but you get the idea. Linda (or somebody) take a shot at it … or I will after I get my straight novel manuscript to my publisher.

    Cassie Sanders

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