Crossdressing Memories, Chapter 5

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The 3000 mile Delta flight from Washington State — my home these past twenty-three years — to Florida was a good time to reflect on previous relationships with my cousin. She had grown up in a section of the Bronx of mostly Jewish household apartments. She married her high school sweetheart a few days after she turned eighteen at an Army medic post near Chicago — he went overseas from there (It was 1943). Dare say she was a virgin as were most girls born into close family-oriented environments where everyone knew their neighbors.
During the twenty years that I had lived and worked in New Jersey hardly a week went by when she and her husband wouldn’t have met with us for dinner or a short golfing trip along the East coast.

Now, widowed for more than ten years, she was as anxious as I was to have a companion in these twilight years.

This would be an opportunity for me to complete the revision of my autobiography previously published seven years earlier. In that memoir I had recounted my CD inclinations from early childhood so it would be a new experience for her to see me unpack my Julie clothing, but she watched me fill dresser drawers, set aside for me in our now mutually-inhabited bedroom, without comment. For the next few years I would underdress daily in lingerie — never had done that before in front of my ex-wife of 52 years. We agreed that I could dress at home in the many skirts and tops she picked out from her own closets but outside our home I would only underdress. Had no problem with this arrangement as I now had far more liberties than ever before. Even received the accolade that my bras were sexier than hers!

Keep in mind that we were now in our eighties when I say that we were both aroused by my dressing desires. Sure I had physical limitations not present say twenty years before but still fun. Looking back I seemed to have retained the shyness I always had when wanting to share sexual pleasures learned from partners before I was married — experiences new to my cousin having had but one lover in her life-time.

The next two years were ideal in that I worked on my book revisions during the day and at nights we would pick the finest restaurants or go to her country club. I wasn’t, but should have been more concerned when I noticed the vodka bottle in her refrigerator — had to buy a new one every few weeks because “her monthly cleaning lady was swiping a snort.” I started to mark the liquid level in the bottle. By the morning the level was always lower.

Yep, she was getting up during the night. Found out when she cut her foot on broken glass at 3 a.m. Then noticed other episodes were becoming more frequent. Went to several family celebrations in other states where my cousin would spend at least a day in bed because she was mad at me for unstated reasons. Checks were often written on deposit slips or on already paid bills and one day she came out ready to go to dinner with bronzer covering her face. With increasing empty liquor bottles I finally connected the dots. Her youngest son, as executor, brought in doctors to verify it was Alzheimer’s. Within months this horrible disease was full blown. A year later at a facility up North she didn’t recognize her eldest son or me! The only malady I know of that tears families apart but leaves the victim unaware of what is happening. Meanwhile I had to find new living quarters — our plans for a happy sunset together shattered!

During this time-frame my only brother passed as did remaining cousins. Now all alone, Julie took over my life almost full-time. And she would learn confidence needed to be out and about. How would my life’s journey end? I wondered.

Tags: closeted, crossdressing, featured

Category: Transgender Body & Soul