Trans Impact on Socialization
- This topic has 8 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 2 months ago by
Polly.
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Jun 12, 2020 at 12:54 pm #53722
angela_g
KeymasterA member suggested this as a new topic. Any thoughts?“Grew up not knowing what trans was. May have felt/acted social female without strong physical dysphoria but over time learned to live more male but not flourish socially in the slightest. Thread if anyone else had this experience or if already covered would like to see thanks!J”Jun 30, 2020 at 6:01 pm #53920clewis
ParticipantThis definitely sounds like my experiences. As a child I gravitated to classically feminine activities and pursuits, and by later elementary school age I was already interested in clothes and makeup (albeit secretly). I was a quiet, shy boy and never questioned my identity or anything. I just did what I liked, and my childhood was happy enough.
As an adolescent and a young adult, I gave into peer pressure and hid all those feminine aspects of my personality. I played sports, attempted to date, embarked on a classically masculine career path, etc. I adapted to it well enough, but it was never fulfilling, and I never really felt socially at ease anywhere.
In my mid-30s I finally began to openly express those aspects of my life again. Obviously my age and the times were different by then, but I began to advance socially. Perhaps I came across to people as more open, relaxed and accessible.
By now I am out everywhere – family, neighborhood, work, worship, etc. – and I finally feel like myself. Some people that have known me before and after I became open have commented to me favorably on how happy I look now.
My only regret is that I wish I had not suppressed some of those childhood interests, particularly the ones related to arts and style. I always enjoyed sewing, needlepoint, fashion (obviously), design, etc. but never allowed them to really develop, mostly for fear of what people would think. Maybe some of the girls my age would have encouraged and supported me if I had done so.
Jul 8, 2020 at 3:43 pm #54006Morgan53
ParticipantI can totally relate ….. I thought I was a freak ,the only person on the planet the wore women’s clothes and shoes it was a really big thrill …… Along with life in general it has been a great education ….. I have ventured out once or twice the second time I loved it ….. The impact side of it all is there really isn’t any your not hurting anyone it’s expression …… Of which is men are forbidden to show any sense of femininity……. That’s the impact it isn’t fair but is what it is ….
Jul 13, 2020 at 8:07 am #54067carla1212
ParticipantI can totally empathize with this topic. When you’re young and your patterns of social relationships are forming, gender dysphoria can really mess things up – unless you can come out completely with support not only from family but also from everyone at school. That’s your social world, and if they don’t accept you it sets up an awful pattern of hiding, pretending, deflecting… never really being yourself in a ‘real,’ normal social situation. I lived two lives as a teen. As a boy in high school I was popular, but I kept my school friends at a distance because I was afraid they’d find out. As a 16-year-old I could never really say to them: “Yah I am gonna go home after school and dress as a girl and then get on a bus to the next town and go shopping coz I need some new panties, and oh yah, anybody know a really sexy perfume? I’m seeing my boyfriend tonight and I wanna get him really hot and bothered.” That would’ve gone real well with the guys, ya know? With my workaholic parents never home, and my living in a separate in-law apartment on our property, I was out and about as a passable cross dresser every spare minute, having sex with older men, lying about my age, my name, everything. I went to college presenting as female, full time, but even then… oh gosh I am remembering the bad feeling when a female friend suddenly wanted me to try on some of her clothes at her place — it was a girl-bonding thing, and I just couldn’t do it because of what she’d see if I took my clothes off in front of her. I made all kinds of excuses and just left, it really damaged our friendship. It’s with me to this day, and it’s become part of my professional career in military intelligence — I score off the charts in being able to suppress my emotions, playing convincing roles under cover, deflecting and evading personal questions, keeping secrets, etc. Thank goodness my boss is gay, I came clean with him because I knew they’d find out sooner or later anyway, and I knew he’d understand and help protect me. And the fact that I have no close friends except for my boyfriend is a real plus in my line of work. So yah, if you think about it, in my social world I am still just playing an adult version of the same games I played in high school.
Nov 28, 2020 at 7:07 pm #56016GoddessJen
ParticipantI can’t say I really relate to anything that anyone has said so far on this topic, but I am the 5th child of 8 in my family and the gender roles were well established. Although, I did have trouble with this mentally. I was constantly drawn to less masculine activities and constantly punished myself for having thoughts that might betray me to the rest of my family.
My teenage years were very confusing. I would try on women’s clothing, find myself attracted to other boys and unable to imagine myself with them as a male. I was also deathly afraid of the consequences if I had come out to my parents, as well as the possible social ridicule that would definitely have gone with it in the early 80’s.
Because this feeling was so persistent in my life, after two marriages and two children, I realized I needed to figure it out or I would never be happy. At the age of 34, I started the most serious sexual discovery in my life. I finally had it figured out by 2008 (4 years later) and started dressing full time by 2015.
I don’t know what it’s like to go through the early stages of transition now, but I do know it’s important to be sure of yourself and never conform to social pressures. Be who you are no matter what. You’ll be much happier in life.
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Mar 1, 2022 at 7:34 pm #62157AnierQ
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Nov 30, 2023 at 12:59 am #69175Polly
ParticipantFor me personally, I discovered the difference between myself and other boys at a very young age, maybe at the age of five or six. I don’t like any of the toys that other boys like, and I don’t like playing with them. I prefer girls’ toys and I prefer to play with girls. My parents tried to correct my interest, but all failed. When I was young, people didn’t know what transgender was, so I just thought I might be a little more feminine.
As I grew older, there was a desire that became stronger. I began not to be satisfied with girls’ toys, I began to want to wear girls’ clothes and use their decorations. I want to be a girl. Whenever I see girls walking together in the street, happily shopping hand in hand and laughing, I am particularly envious.
How can I describe this feeling? It’s like there are 10 million bugs eating your heart, and you want to catch them, but you can’t, and you’re stuck in a state of anxiety and helplessness.
Now that I’m a real transgender woman, I still can’t breathe when I think about the previous scene. I’m sure we’ll all get better in the future.Now I also talk about boyfriend, in the company of boyfriend, I gradually feel that they are a real girl. I can flirt with him or I don’t have to do anything. All of us will be healed.
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