Reply To: Hey! I’m New Here!
AnonymousHi not-marcie! I’m not-Enseda. 😉 <3 You asked, “I suspect this is not an unusual story and that’s why I’m here, to ask advice. How many men in this situation have fessed up to their wives or girlfriends? What was the reaction?”
I’ve known I was a woman since about age 12 when I first defined it. Family pressure kept me in the closet for about 30 years, though. For me, life is about a lot of things, not gender; rather, to me, gender is a lens which filters the way I view the world & happenings around me. So while my Journey forced me to experience both, I always knew the one I preferred. As a result, manifesting my youthful realization was simply a matter of time–like when a butterfly emerges from its cocoon.
More specifically to your point, I enjoyed 16 years of marriage to my sweetheart. But I was living a lie, & when she first found a pair of my panties, she was shocked & hurt. I explained they’re comfortable & pretty, so I really enjoy them. But what if people find out? I laughed–they’re underwear; you’re the only other person who’d ever ‘find out”! But, at her insistence, I was given an ultimatum: her or the clothes.
I immediately chose her; we were so close, & had two young children we just adored. But I began openly crossdressing at work, changing there to live a double-life. The woman in me is just gorgeous & delightful, so I love being her–my authentic self.
However, despite 6 months of fruitless marriage counseling (both professional & ecclesiastical), she ultimately “left”–& by so doing left me a widow single & single-parent step-mom t(I use the title “step-mom” with our kids, because they do have a wonderful mother who I hope they will always remember & cherish) to our children. The children have no problem with the results of my hrt & rebirth as Enseda–indeed, they’re my strongest defenders when haters snivel.
Anyhow, that’s the results of authentic living in my life. We all make choices according to what suits us best, & then we live with the consequences. So for me it’s really a weird bittersweet reflection: I just love finally coming out of that d@mn closet social standards stuffed me into 30 years ago; but, it also cost me one of the most profound & beautiful relationships in my life.
So do you live a lie & try to make other people happy? *heavy sigh* Someone’s going to pay, you or them–sometimes both. But is authenticity worth the price? In my case, my conclusion is, Yes, I’ve never felt better or truer or freer in my life. It just sucks to have had to pay that bill. Better luck to you & your sweetheart! <3
